In September I realized I've actually been BURNT OUT all this year. That felt right but sounded like a bit of a shock. I mean so often you hear about burn out being these life shattering stops and breakdowns, but I was still pushing on. However, I've realized burn out can also be a SLOW EROSION. Slowly loosing motivation, passion, energy, drive, joy, until it's just so hard to keep pushing through and your body starts forcing you to stop.
So over the last few months I've been pulling back - this has been one of the most challenging journeys I've been on.
It’s been this huge internal struggle knowing I need to rest and really trying to, but feeling lazy, unproductive, useless, like I’m failing and letting people down.
I realised I put a lot of my worth and identity on what I do, on making a difference, so when I stripped that back, I felt lost, flat, and purposeless.
Why does our society wear busyness like a badge of honour? It’s glorified as achievement, but it’s slowly eroding our lives.
This year I’ve had to fight against the grain, and against my natural inclination to go go go. I’ve had to pass up opportunities I really wanted, I’ve had to learn to trust again, I’ve had to fight against all the “shoulds” and unrealistic expectations (mostly my own), I’ve had to let go of time frames and others’ opinions.
I’ve HAD to rest.
And now I’m choosing to rest.
It isn’t easy for me, but I’m taking it one day at a time. Some days I feel good about embracing rest and know it’s purpose. And some days I stress about all the things I haven’t done, could have done, should have done.
But I’m learning to be kind to myself. That this journey is one of ups and downs. That rest is not an overnight fix or a lesson to learn, but a LIFESTYLE TO CULTIVATE. And that takes time.
I share this not to bring attention to myself, but to say, "me too". We all struggle sometimes. My struggles might look different to yours. But we all have them. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
Remember, no matter what, in the midst of struggle, you are MORE THAN ENOUGH, just as you are.
How can you’ve kind to yourself today? 💜Ruth
Choosing Rest
