You Define You

Oh yes you do. It’s not your past, not their labels of you, not those words spoken over you, not their expectations or disappointments, not how you look or feel, not how the world sees you, not your mistakes or even your triumphs, but how YOU SAY you are.
You get to choose how you see your past, what labels you give each chapter, what you gain from it, what you bring into your future and what you leave behind. It’s all your choice. You define it. And you define who you are today and tomorrow.

P R A C T I C A L S T E P S

1. RE-LABEL - Think back over your past and the major themes, events, chapters (good and bad). Give them all new labels / chapter headings. Ones that speak into the lessons / the growth / the hidden blessings looking back / the launch pads to where you are now / the journey / the battles and the victories. You choose how you view your past. You can rewrite your past by giving new empowering headings. Not seeing it all as a blurred mess or full of regrets and disasters. There’s good in every situation. So search for it and reframe it so it no longer haunts you. Our mistakes and pain are not the ending, they are lessons and launch pads to something greater. You define your past.

2. COLLECT THE BLESSINGS - As you look back over, collect some of the lessons you learnt from your past, some of what helped you become who you are today (positive and negative). Look for the hidden blessings, the wins, the things to be thankful for.

3. WHAT’S RULING YOU NOW. Look at your life now. Are there any areas in your life that you have let your past define? Maybe how you see yourself? Maybe how you see or treat others? How you let others treat you? What you constantly think about? Your attitude to things? What activities you engage in? How you feel about people or circumstances?

What experiences or words have you let define you?

Now you get to CHOOSE. You choose how you define those experiences, words and who you are today.

Sweet one, don’t let your past make you bitter, trapped, worthless... You define it. You define you. 💜Ruth

You're a Limited Edition

“I was a little over two when I realized that beauty mattered, way too young for a little girl to discover whether she was beautiful or not. I loved watching and participating in fashion shows at an early age and I loved watching beauty pageants. I was a little girl who loved anything to do with pretty dresses, high heels, and sparkles. This girly love wasn’t all together a bad thing, until I let it define and take over me. However, once my quest for beauty began is when I lost it all.

Mirrors tortured and taunted me, no matter what anyone else said. Every time I heard the words, “You’re beautiful.” it was all I could do not to laugh, because there was no way I could have believed it.

The mirror is where I found my truth. If the mirror said I looked good (which it rarely did) than the day would go well and if the mirror showed that one hair was out of place than game over. For me, overcoming my beauty issues had a whole heck of a lot to do with me not seeing myself as beautiful. They were all lies and I know that now but it can still be difficult. It didn’t just happen overnight and it certainly didn’t happen without a whole lot of work. As a woman, I think I can safely say that I believe all women struggle with the idea of beauty and feeling beautiful. We live in a society that is rampant with ideas of beauty, false, unattainable, unrealistic standards of beauty. It wasn’t until I finally realized and accepted that beauty wasn’t in a made up face, it wasn’t in high fashioned clothes, it wasn’t in a size zero, that it began to sink in.

What I realized was that no one could be beautiful like me and no one could be beautiful like you, because we are one of a kind, limited additions. My friend there is no one in the world just like you and that is more beautiful than you will ever know.” Beautiful words and heart from MK

Excuses or Discipline

We can make an excuse for everything. But do we want our lives to be a series of excuses or of actions, exciting experiences, growth, goals achieved, habits changed, adventures, living life to the full? You are strong. Your excuses can be strong too. But you get to choose who wins.

Recently I heard a definition of DISCIPLINE that really helped >> Discipline is choosing between what you want NOW and what you want MOST.

The short-term pay off OR the long-term prize.

The short-term pay off (instant pleasure / desire, temporary comfort, wants etc) OR the long-term prize (lasting change, deeper desire, growth, maturity, lasting pleasure, joy, peace, health etc). xo
We get to choose the pain. The pain of discipline now or the pain of excuses, consequences and regret later. We get to choose which pain we embrace

Yes it can be painful to not give in to excuses - it's tough! It can feel more comfortable, easy and safe to make excuses. But stepping out, being disciplined, taking risks, making changes may feel painful/challenging to start but well worth it.

So lovely friend, what will you CHOOSE? We're standing with you and cheering you on. We've all got excuses and things we need to be disciplined in. Let's do this together.

What excuses do you hear yourself repeating? What excuses do you want to let go of? What do you need to be disciplined in? You are strong enough. You are not alone x
💜Ruth x

Your Story Has Purpose

Comparison will rob you of beauty of the season YOU are in, of the unique journey YOU are on, of the courageous steps YOU take, of the big and small wins YOU make, of the story only YOU can tell. We are all on a journey - different paths, different paces, different places. We are all different. And if we compare our chapters, we'll loose the significance and purpose of the pages WE are walking out. Not only will we miss out, but so will everybody else - because no one else has your journey. No one else can tell your story. No one else can encourage others with exactly where you're at. No one else can do you.

So next time we feel tempted to fast forward our story or skip ahead to someone else's, remember your story has purpose. Your story matters. The chapter you are in is yours. No matter where others seem to be up to, your perfectly timed in your chapter. One step at a time.

Have you ever felt inadequate by comparing your chapter with someone else's?
I know I sure have. But no longer.
💜Ruth

Don't Hide What Makes You Real

"Why do we hide what makes us most beautiful? Why do we so often deny our own brokenness? If only we could embrace the very thing we try so tirelessly to conceal...If we could turn our gaze toward the people all around us, we would see that we're not that different after all. Yes, we're all broken; but not without purpose. The brokenness has the power to transform us into the most beautiful mosaic—a glorious and artful display of a life lived well and worthy of love. No need for hiding." Beautiful words from @tiffanyrowe23

Lovely friend, don't hide what makes you REAL and beautiful and unique and shine like no one else x

Look Forward With Hope

The past is in the past. What? So why do we keep bringing it up again as if it's in our future. Not letting it go, but dragging it around wherever we go. Taking it with us into new relationships, new opportunities, new situations. Wearing it as a lens we see our present and future through. And than get confused why we keep repeating the past or feeling like we're still living in it. Well of course we would if we keep holding onto it and putting it in front of each step we take instead of behind us.

But no longer. We can see the past as what it is - the past. Yes it happened, but we choose how we respond. We can choose what lessons we take from it. We choose how we define it. We choose to leave it in the past and have an unwritten future - one we get to write.

We can choose to look forward with hope, knowing that everything is possible, that our past does not define our future, that we get to create it with the choices we make. And then recreate it again with new choices. And again.

So dear friend, no matter what's happened in the past, you get to create your future. Whatever your currently facing right now won't last forever. Hold onto hope and leave the past where it belongs - in the past.

👉💙👉 What's something you've learnt or gained from something you've faced in the past? How can you take the lesson and leave the rest behind? x
💜Ruth x

Go Girl!

Go girl! Let's REBEL AGAINST our culture's unrealistic expectations of perfectionism, comparison and the constant messages of NOT ENOUGH.

Let's be our own kind of TREND SETTERS. Those who define our own worth - not based on how others see us, but because we are loved, we belong, and we are more than enough, just as we are (all always true, not matter how we feel). Those who embrace and celebrate our REAL identity and value. Those who CHOOSE the life we want to live. Those who accept ourselves and others. Those who celebrate and support others to be all they can be. Those who stand up for those who can't, for what they believe in and are passionate about. Those who chase THEIR dreams. Those who live without fear of others opinions. Those who look for beauty in everything. Those who build up not tear down. Those who embrace not exclude. Those who love not hate. Those just like you, the REAL you.

Remember, this is a daily journey. Step by step. Yes we fall. Yes we find ourselves camouflaged in our culture's norms. Yes we forget our worth. Yes we can crumple under the pressure. Yes we don't always get it right. And that's ok. That's part of the journey. Be kind to yourself as you figure it out.

>> How do/can you rebel against our culture's pressures? You go girl! We salute you 🎉👌💙😍💜👊💃.
💜Ruth x

Sparkle Like No One Else

Yes you, sweet friend sparkle like no one else... If I prescribed to the world’s idea of beauty, I am not sure how I could get out of bed in the morning. Many days I wear yoga pants, big t-shirts, and my hair in a messy bun. I get zits, my hair normally needs to be washed, more days than not I don’t wear makeup, so if I spent my time following the world’s idea of beauty, why would I get out of bed. Frankly, I would be terrified I wouldn’t match up. But each day I get up, I fight the temptation to give into the lies of the world and I remember that I am fearfully and wonderfully made and am absolutely beautiful, no matter what my physical body looks like.

Honestly, I wish I could say that everyday, every hour, every minute, I believe this truth but I don’t and frankly some days are just harder than others. Some days I fight the lies of my past life and the lies of the world.

But I remember that I am aiming for grace, not perfection and each time I remember the truth and live in the truth, that is beauty. Beauty surrounds me in the smiling faces of those who love me as my messy broken self, beauty is in the scars of battles won, beauty is living in freedom. The world lies and tells us beauty is in the face but I am hear to tell you it is in the heart. Beauty is all around you and I dare you to see it and live in it this week. Whether you are wearing sweats, a prom dress, a swim suit, a wedding gown, or pajamas, you are beautiful. And in case no one has told you today, you are absolutely beautiful inside and out just the way you are. You my friend sparkle like no one else! - MK

Note to Self: I CAN

Oh yes you can girl! Don't let "I can't!" be a part of your vocabulary. You can do so much more than you know. Give things a go, take risks, learn from mistakes, try again, keep going, get help, try again, keep going, get help, try again, keep going, get help... A lot of the time we can't do things straight away, and that's normal. But the more we practice, the more we keep going, eventually we look back and say, "wow, I thought this was too hard at the time, but I did it!!!" x

- What's something you can look back on and say, "I did it!"? We'd love to celebrate with you
- What's something you regularly find yourself saying "I can't!" about? Let's get clear about what these are so we can look out for them next time and snip off that T >> I CAN!

We believe in you x
💜Ruth + ChooseREAL Team x

What Defines You

Your past struggles, heartache, and scars may have helped shape you into who you are but they do not define you. Your past may have made you stronger but it doesn’t dictate how you get to live your life. May your past tell the story of how you became who you are but may you never let it tell you who you are going to be now. - MK @marthakatestainsby

You get to choose how you see your past, what labels you give each chapter, what you gain from it, what you bring into your future and what you leave behind. It's all your choice. You define it. And you define who you are today and tomorrow.

What experiences or words have you let define you?

Sweet one, don't let your past make you bitter, trapped, worthless... You get to CHOOSE. You choose how you define those experiences, words and who you are today.

QOTD - What's one thing you've grown from or learnt through your past? What can you be thankful for? x
💜Ruth

Just Keep Swimming

For those days when the waves just keep coming, when your energy is low and your emotions are high, when you feel like you're sinking or wading through shallows... Advice from our fishy friend Dory - "🎶just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming🎶". One swish at a time. You'll get there lovely.

And remember, not matter how deep in the depths of the waters you feel, the surface is always above you - that doesn't change - there is always a way up and out. It can take some time to reach the surface, but it's there, don't loose hope sweet one. And as Dori did, you meet some pretty interesting characters along the way if you look out for them. Even in those darkest caves, they still found light and something to be encouraged by - look for your light moments too and just keep swimming. We're swimming with you x

What Lies Are Holding You Back

"For the last five years I have been in recovery from an eating disorder. When I was in the deepest darkest days of my eating disorder, beauty meant one thing, it meant being thin.

However, no matter how desperately thin I got, it was never enough. I could never see myself as beautiful, only ugly. My view of myself was defined in something temporary, in something that the world tells me is important - my size, perfection, accessories. My beauty was defined by my physical appearance, which is something that will never be perfect. It was all lies". MK

So some of the lies holding MK back were around her physical appearance
- You are beautiful when you're thin.
- You have to look like the girls in magazines to be liked.
For me, some of the lies holding me back were
- You are accepted based on how others treat you.
- You have to prove yourself and your worth to others.
- You are not enough.
- You don't belong.
- There's something wrong with you.

These lies will keep us trapped and distort our real identity and worth.

To get free from the lies, we first need to know what lies we are believing about ourselves.

So let's take some time to uncover those sneaky lies that have camouflaged themselves as reality in our mind. Talk with a friend. Write down unhelpful things you say to yourself or believe about yourself. What is holding you back? What stops you feeling free? Let's uncover these lies and start journeying to freedom.

Would you courageously share some of your lies to help others uncover theirs? And to release the power of them being hidden in shame - you have nothing to feel shamed about. We all have believed lies - they are NOT who we are. They are false. Speak it out. Let's start believing the truth. We're standing with you x
💜Ruth and the ChooseREAL Team x
Thank you MK for sharing your courageous story with us and empowering us all

Our Worth Is Not Tied To A Number

Because we need to remember that our worth and our value is not tied to a number...a number on our clothes, a number on the scale, or any number that we deem to be "perfect". xo
As someone who spent years crying in dressing rooms, stepping on the scales multiple times a day, just trying to make it to a certain size, who was always trying to achieve that "perfect number", it is not worth it and it was never enough.

I spent years in darkness and sickness because I thought those "perfect numbers" would be enough, but they weren't.

Because our worth, our beauty, our value, is not found in a number or a size. You are not valuable because of a number. You are valuable because you are YOU! You, yourself, just as you are, imperfections and unique flaws are loved, valued, and worthy! You my friend matter.

Stop and Smell the Flowers

Who else feels like our weekends can be so full that you need the week to recover from them 😁, but so often they are just as full.

Sometimes it can feel like we're on a spinning hamster wheel, going round and round and round with sometimes no pit stops. And in the spin, we can loose our why, our purpose, our focus, our passion. And find ourselves not even remembering what we're doing or why we started in the first place or even getting bitter about what we once loved.

Let's not let us get to this place of burn out (been on my way to this station many times). And instead MAKE TIME, CREATE SPACE, SCHEDULE REST, so that even in the midst of crazy busy, we're still enjoying life, pursuing our passion, and feeling energized by what we're doing instead of completely drained. Don't feel bad if this is where you're at, to be honest I'm on the edge here too. But as soon as you realize, you can make steps to change. Or get others to help. Sometimes you just need to completely stop, take time off, get refreshed, while other times you can keep going with smaller pit stops. You know what you need. But listen to that louder than all the demands on your life.

So even if you're completely flat out this weekend, carve out even just a little (few mins if that's all you have) of time to be refreshed, do what you love, reflect and remember your purpose/passion/why you're doing what you're doing.

You're doing amazingly. And as we go, let's look for the beauty in everything around us to light up this crazy journey - stop and smell the flowers.

So what have you got on this weekend? x
💜Ruth
📷@floretflower

Rest

Something I need to constantly remind myself. Yes taking time to rest is best for you and everyone around you. Take time to breathe, to be refreshed, to reflect, to regain your strength, to fill your tank, to be inspired, to do what you love... to be refilled so you can overflow into the lives of others.

But you can't give out what you don't have. And you can't flow when you've run dry. If you're feeling empty or running on reserves, make time to fill up, to rest and restore. It's not selfish, it's the best thing you can do right now for all, including you.

Give yourself and others permission to rest. How do you find rest best? x

Sharing the Journey Together

Hey lovely, how's your week been? Thinking of you x

Mines been a bit up and down with sickness, extreme exhaustion, feeling unproductive, at times overwhelmed, giving into some discouraging thoughts - yep even after I wrote that post!! So then feeling hard on myself and needing to stop, be kind and speak the truth over my life - still learning with you.

This week has also had some big wins, meeting amazing people who are generously supporting the vision of this movement and standing with us, hearing incredible stories, eating food (always a plus haha), having a wonderful team to help organize our beautiful merch and resources (their hearts inspire me), and last night I ran a workshop with some beautiful girls - all unique with so much gold to share with those around them.

THIS is what I love doing - investing into their potential, peeling back the layers of limiting beliefs and self-talk that have distorted their REAL identity and worth and empowering them to see what was always there - they are whole, complete, not lacking, worthy and more than enough, just as they are! Seeing their transformation gives me the fire to keep going, to kick those audacious goals I've set to give this freedom, hope and courage to ALL girls and women everywhere. Haha, got a little carried away with that last point - just so incredibly passionate about this and LOVE journeying alongside girls and women in this message.

So why did I tell you about my week? Because we're friends. Because I wanted you to feel comfortable to share about yours. Because we're all here for each other and our story is worth sharing - no matter what chapter.

So share away lovely friend. You never know the impact of simply sharing (for you and others). Love sharing this journey together.
💜Ruth x
📷 from the beautiful @floretflower

Progress Over Perfection

The illusion of perfection is that it will be everything you’ve ever wanted and more. Perfection says, that suddenly when you get there all will be right. However, what perfection doesn’t tell you is that it is not real. Nope not one thing about perfection is real. It's impossible. It can never be attained.

So what if today you strived for progress over perfection? What if you believed that first step was a big deal, that small change was actually huge? What if you believed that progress was even better than perfection? When progress becomes the goal over perfection you allow a whole more light and beauty to seep in to your life.

Instead of always feeling like you're constantly failing, you allow yourself to actually WIN - every step you make. Instead of being so focused on getting it right, you allow yourself to actually enjoy the journey - messes and all.

So let's aim for progress and celebrate each step. What's a step you can celebrate from last week with us? x

Your Passions

Working in schools, I met with Erin, a year 6 girl who told me the popular girls told her she had to change her hair, her clothes AND her personality if she wanted to fit in. This broke my heart, she had no idea how valuable she was and was willing to trade in her REAL identity for what she thought she HAD to be. The saddest part was that she thought this was the only answer. She was about to become a clone to please others, throwing away her own interests, values, talents, goals and dreams.

Unfortunately, this is not a rare story. But this story, fired me up. That is ENOUGH! Our girls have to know their worth and value – not based on how others see them, their past, or what the media says, but because they have always been MORE THAN ENOUGH.

This is how ChooseREAL Campaign was born. I wanted to create a platform to bring freedom around the onslaught of debilitating messages of NOT ENOUGH! Encouraging girls and women to embrace and celebrate their REAL identity and value, and live the life they CHOOSE. Living out the truth that no mater what, we are MORE THAN ENOUGH, just as we are.

I am so privilege to share this journey with you as we create a shift in our culture of true acceptance (of ourselves and each other). We love the empowering community we are all creating. Thank you for what you bring.
💜Ruth
What fires you up? What are you passionate about? x

Some Things To Do When You're Feeling Blue

Sometimes I'll wake up and just feel flat. Sometimes I'll get home after a great day and for no particular reason I feel down, without anything bad happening. Sometimes I feel sad because of certain events.
Emotions can come and go as quickly as a sneeze. There's nothing wrong with feeling. In fact, it's a good thing. But sometimes we feel stuck in that emotion, like we can't climb out. We need perspective. We need to acknowledge the feeling, the pain, the circumstance, find healing and move through that emotion.
These are just a few things we can do when feeling blue. Sometimes we just need a change of scene or shift our mind to something else or remember all the good.
However if you're continuing struggling, and nothing seems to work, please talk to a trusted person and seek help to work through the root of these feelings. You are not alone and there are many people out there that want to be a part of your journey. We all need help in life. It's normal.
What are some of the things you do when feeling blue? x

Your Story Is Worth Sharing Now

I've had so many people say, "I'll share my story when I get through this" or "when I fix that" or "when things change". But your story is ever-evolving.
Wherever you're at, NOW is the time to share your story. Crumpled pages and all.
Don't be afraid to reveal what connects us together - the real moments in life. The good, the bad, the rough, the smooth, the process. Don't hide what you're really facing from those who care.
Who can you share what's happening in this chapter of your story - sharing it helps you own it and create the themes and headings that empower you. We're all in this together.
Your story is not finished. And we can't wait to share together in the pages.