It's Better to be Yourself

When I was in high school, I allowed people and experiences and perceptions to define me. To tell me if I was good enough - which I didn't hear. To give me worth and value - which I didn't feel.

I didn't know who I really was, so tried to mould myself to be accepted, to fit in, to be like those around me. But I was left feeling empty, confused and alone.

This was not who I was, this was not who I wanted to be. I was loosing my true self in an attempt to fit in to those around me. Trying to figure out being me but feeling less-than, not knowing my true worth and value and letting others blind me from it.

This was one of the most challenging times in my life. But what was at the core was not accepting my value and worth. Not embracing and celebrating my own identity - whether it "fit" into others or not. Not knowing that I defined me, no one else. Not giving myself grace as I figure it all out.

If I could give my younger self some advice, I'd say, sweet girl, you don't need to be like anyone else. You are unique. You have qualities that no one else has. Find people who you admire and share your values. Don't let the words and actions of others define you - it is all coming from their own insecurities. Keep being kind to everyone. Be kind to yourself. Be for others who you wish other people would be for you (treat them how you'd want to be treated). Don't compare! And know that no matter what, you are MORE THAN ENOUGH, just as you are.

- Are you finding you are loosing yourself to "fit in" with others? o
- What advice would you share with a friend? What advice would you tell your younger self? o
- Do your friends allow and encourage you to be yourself? Do you encourage your friends to be themselves? o

Sweet girl, we need you to be you! There's no one else that can "fit in" to that amazing role. Only you. 💜Ruth x

Comparing Our Bloopers to Their Highlight Reel

How often do we look at other peoples' lives and wish ours were different. Comparing our bloopers with their highlight reel. Wishing away our unique talents and gifts for some of theirs. But lovely one, they are only showing us what they WANT us to see. We're not seeing the whole picture. Most are not showing us how they failed that exam, their bad hair day, how they stayed in bed all day - feeling too overwhelmed to get up, the breakout on their face, how they cried themselves to sleep, when they stayed at home coz they didn't have anyone to hang out with, the mess around their house etc... And sometimes if they do, it's with a specific purpose for attention.

I am definitely not talking about all the amazing accounts out there that are truly being real and vulnerable about their lives - sharing the good and challenging and genuinely inviting others into their story, empowering us to know that we are not alone. These beautiful people are raw and honest and their aim is to inspire and empower.

No, I'm just wanting us NOT TO COMPARE our lives with anyone. To know that usually, we are not seeing the whole picture, we are seeing through a filter. And we can't compare our raw, unfiltered lives with the edited, cropped lives we see around us. Let's think about it, do you usually show everyone around you all your struggles and failures and breakdown and fears and worries and insecurities and bloopers? Maybe not. So why would they?
Comparing will rob us of the joy of our own lives.

So let's remember this week as we look at the lives around us - we are only seeing part of the picture and it could be through a filter. Let's not get bitter, but celebrate others and be thankful for what we have.

What's one thing in your life you are thankful for?

Thanks for journeying with us! We're all in this together.
💜Ruth x

Believe In You

We believe in YOU! But do you? Oh girl, I've been there. Thinking I didn't have what it takes, I wasn't enough, I've stuffed up too many times, I don't have what she has, I don't look like her, I've never done that before, I'm not worth it, no one sees me, what have I got to offer... But what we believe about ourselves is vitally important. It will either limit us or empower us.

What are you believing about yourself? What lies have you believed? Let's exchange and replace them with the truth of who you really are. You are valuable, you are worthy, you are strong, you are courageous, you are significant, you are loved, you are capable, you belong... Here's just a few truths about you to get you started.

How is it that we can so often see the worth and significance of those around us, but are blinded to what's in us.
Let's walk into this week knowing who we truly are.

What believes do you need to let go of? What believes do you need to reaffirm?

So grateful to share this journey together x
💜Ruth

You Define You

Oh yes you do. It’s not your past, not their labels of you, not those words spoken over you, not their expectations or disappointments, not how you look or feel, not how the world sees you, not your mistakes or even your triumphs, but how YOU SAY you are.
You get to choose how you see your past, what labels you give each chapter, what you gain from it, what you bring into your future and what you leave behind. It’s all your choice. You define it. And you define who you are today and tomorrow.

P R A C T I C A L S T E P S

1. RE-LABEL - Think back over your past and the major themes, events, chapters (good and bad). Give them all new labels / chapter headings. Ones that speak into the lessons / the growth / the hidden blessings looking back / the launch pads to where you are now / the journey / the battles and the victories. You choose how you view your past. You can rewrite your past by giving new empowering headings. Not seeing it all as a blurred mess or full of regrets and disasters. There’s good in every situation. So search for it and reframe it so it no longer haunts you. Our mistakes and pain are not the ending, they are lessons and launch pads to something greater. You define your past.

2. COLLECT THE BLESSINGS - As you look back over, collect some of the lessons you learnt from your past, some of what helped you become who you are today (positive and negative). Look for the hidden blessings, the wins, the things to be thankful for.

3. WHAT’S RULING YOU NOW. Look at your life now. Are there any areas in your life that you have let your past define? Maybe how you see yourself? Maybe how you see or treat others? How you let others treat you? What you constantly think about? Your attitude to things? What activities you engage in? How you feel about people or circumstances?

What experiences or words have you let define you?

Now you get to CHOOSE. You choose how you define those experiences, words and who you are today.

Sweet one, don’t let your past make you bitter, trapped, worthless... You define it. You define you. 💜Ruth

You're a Limited Edition

“I was a little over two when I realized that beauty mattered, way too young for a little girl to discover whether she was beautiful or not. I loved watching and participating in fashion shows at an early age and I loved watching beauty pageants. I was a little girl who loved anything to do with pretty dresses, high heels, and sparkles. This girly love wasn’t all together a bad thing, until I let it define and take over me. However, once my quest for beauty began is when I lost it all.

Mirrors tortured and taunted me, no matter what anyone else said. Every time I heard the words, “You’re beautiful.” it was all I could do not to laugh, because there was no way I could have believed it.

The mirror is where I found my truth. If the mirror said I looked good (which it rarely did) than the day would go well and if the mirror showed that one hair was out of place than game over. For me, overcoming my beauty issues had a whole heck of a lot to do with me not seeing myself as beautiful. They were all lies and I know that now but it can still be difficult. It didn’t just happen overnight and it certainly didn’t happen without a whole lot of work. As a woman, I think I can safely say that I believe all women struggle with the idea of beauty and feeling beautiful. We live in a society that is rampant with ideas of beauty, false, unattainable, unrealistic standards of beauty. It wasn’t until I finally realized and accepted that beauty wasn’t in a made up face, it wasn’t in high fashioned clothes, it wasn’t in a size zero, that it began to sink in.

What I realized was that no one could be beautiful like me and no one could be beautiful like you, because we are one of a kind, limited additions. My friend there is no one in the world just like you and that is more beautiful than you will ever know.” Beautiful words and heart from MK

Don't Hide What Makes You Real

"Why do we hide what makes us most beautiful? Why do we so often deny our own brokenness? If only we could embrace the very thing we try so tirelessly to conceal...If we could turn our gaze toward the people all around us, we would see that we're not that different after all. Yes, we're all broken; but not without purpose. The brokenness has the power to transform us into the most beautiful mosaic—a glorious and artful display of a life lived well and worthy of love. No need for hiding." Beautiful words from @tiffanyrowe23

Lovely friend, don't hide what makes you REAL and beautiful and unique and shine like no one else x

What Defines You

Your past struggles, heartache, and scars may have helped shape you into who you are but they do not define you. Your past may have made you stronger but it doesn’t dictate how you get to live your life. May your past tell the story of how you became who you are but may you never let it tell you who you are going to be now. - MK @marthakatestainsby

You get to choose how you see your past, what labels you give each chapter, what you gain from it, what you bring into your future and what you leave behind. It's all your choice. You define it. And you define who you are today and tomorrow.

What experiences or words have you let define you?

Sweet one, don't let your past make you bitter, trapped, worthless... You get to CHOOSE. You choose how you define those experiences, words and who you are today.

QOTD - What's one thing you've grown from or learnt through your past? What can you be thankful for? x
💜Ruth

What Lies Are Holding You Back

"For the last five years I have been in recovery from an eating disorder. When I was in the deepest darkest days of my eating disorder, beauty meant one thing, it meant being thin.

However, no matter how desperately thin I got, it was never enough. I could never see myself as beautiful, only ugly. My view of myself was defined in something temporary, in something that the world tells me is important - my size, perfection, accessories. My beauty was defined by my physical appearance, which is something that will never be perfect. It was all lies". MK

So some of the lies holding MK back were around her physical appearance
- You are beautiful when you're thin.
- You have to look like the girls in magazines to be liked.
For me, some of the lies holding me back were
- You are accepted based on how others treat you.
- You have to prove yourself and your worth to others.
- You are not enough.
- You don't belong.
- There's something wrong with you.

These lies will keep us trapped and distort our real identity and worth.

To get free from the lies, we first need to know what lies we are believing about ourselves.

So let's take some time to uncover those sneaky lies that have camouflaged themselves as reality in our mind. Talk with a friend. Write down unhelpful things you say to yourself or believe about yourself. What is holding you back? What stops you feeling free? Let's uncover these lies and start journeying to freedom.

Would you courageously share some of your lies to help others uncover theirs? And to release the power of them being hidden in shame - you have nothing to feel shamed about. We all have believed lies - they are NOT who we are. They are false. Speak it out. Let's start believing the truth. We're standing with you x
💜Ruth and the ChooseREAL Team x
Thank you MK for sharing your courageous story with us and empowering us all

Our Worth Is Not Tied To A Number

Because we need to remember that our worth and our value is not tied to a number...a number on our clothes, a number on the scale, or any number that we deem to be "perfect". xo
As someone who spent years crying in dressing rooms, stepping on the scales multiple times a day, just trying to make it to a certain size, who was always trying to achieve that "perfect number", it is not worth it and it was never enough.

I spent years in darkness and sickness because I thought those "perfect numbers" would be enough, but they weren't.

Because our worth, our beauty, our value, is not found in a number or a size. You are not valuable because of a number. You are valuable because you are YOU! You, yourself, just as you are, imperfections and unique flaws are loved, valued, and worthy! You my friend matter.

Rest

Something I need to constantly remind myself. Yes taking time to rest is best for you and everyone around you. Take time to breathe, to be refreshed, to reflect, to regain your strength, to fill your tank, to be inspired, to do what you love... to be refilled so you can overflow into the lives of others.

But you can't give out what you don't have. And you can't flow when you've run dry. If you're feeling empty or running on reserves, make time to fill up, to rest and restore. It's not selfish, it's the best thing you can do right now for all, including you.

Give yourself and others permission to rest. How do you find rest best? x

Progress Over Perfection

The illusion of perfection is that it will be everything you’ve ever wanted and more. Perfection says, that suddenly when you get there all will be right. However, what perfection doesn’t tell you is that it is not real. Nope not one thing about perfection is real. It's impossible. It can never be attained.

So what if today you strived for progress over perfection? What if you believed that first step was a big deal, that small change was actually huge? What if you believed that progress was even better than perfection? When progress becomes the goal over perfection you allow a whole more light and beauty to seep in to your life.

Instead of always feeling like you're constantly failing, you allow yourself to actually WIN - every step you make. Instead of being so focused on getting it right, you allow yourself to actually enjoy the journey - messes and all.

So let's aim for progress and celebrate each step. What's a step you can celebrate from last week with us? x

Some Things To Do When You're Feeling Blue

Sometimes I'll wake up and just feel flat. Sometimes I'll get home after a great day and for no particular reason I feel down, without anything bad happening. Sometimes I feel sad because of certain events.
Emotions can come and go as quickly as a sneeze. There's nothing wrong with feeling. In fact, it's a good thing. But sometimes we feel stuck in that emotion, like we can't climb out. We need perspective. We need to acknowledge the feeling, the pain, the circumstance, find healing and move through that emotion.
These are just a few things we can do when feeling blue. Sometimes we just need a change of scene or shift our mind to something else or remember all the good.
However if you're continuing struggling, and nothing seems to work, please talk to a trusted person and seek help to work through the root of these feelings. You are not alone and there are many people out there that want to be a part of your journey. We all need help in life. It's normal.
What are some of the things you do when feeling blue? x

What Are You Choosing

What are you choosing today? It's totally up to you. You get to choose your attitude, your perspective, your words, your actions, your mindset, and who you will be today.
It's all up to you. You can choose the REAL you, not based on what you think others want, but who you really want to be.
You can choose to be thankful, to see past the challenges and into the opportunities, to be kind to everyone (including yourself), to look for the good in others, to get a fresh perspective. You've got the power x

So what do YOU CHOOSE? It can be helpful to say it out aloud. And yes, we stuff up and don't always get it right and forget what we choose. But that's ok, just keep choosing. Maybe write it down and put it somewhere to remind yourself. You've got this x
📷taken by the lovely @thepaperfox for us

How Are You Seeing Yourself

Don't let the opinions of others define you darling. They are opinions, ideas and judgements, not facts, not truth.
Is it even our business what they think? That's just their personal view. And we all have a million opinions about everything - so many uninformed.
We can never control how others see us but we can choose how we see ourselves.

So let's focus on what we can control and see ourselves as the beautifully amazing human beings we are, with so much to offer those around us and so much potential within us.
Make the switch. Who's opinions do you need to stop worrying about? It's not your business what they think anyways, it's just thoughts.
And how are you seeing yourself? What's one thing you admire about yourself? Embrace it lovely x

You Are Enough

Just as you are. You don't need anyone else to tell you or make you feel enough. You are enough and you can start living that right now. You choose.
Shift your view of your worth: ••• apologize to yourself for when you have been nasty and making you feel not enough. Any words you have spoken to yourself that hasn't been uplifting ••• forgive yourself ••• now speak worth and life over your life. Try speaking into the mirror (I know awkward, but powerful). You are enough. You have worth. You are loved. You are unique. You are significant. You matter. You are brave and smart and strong and capable.

The more we speak it, the more we believe it.
Let's become our own cheer squad. You go girl. You are so enough right now.
You've got this.
📷alwaysqueenb

Self Talk

I can be so hard on myself. Thinking I should do better, be further ahead, know more, not slip up, basically be perfect. But that's impossible! And every time I mess up or step backwards or simply have a hard day, instead of being kind to myself, being encouraging, uplifting and understanding... I can be so critical, unforgiving, harsh and have such unrealistic expectations. I would never treat my friends the way I sometimes treat myself. BUT I'm learning to speak to myself the way I speak to those I love. Listen to my own advice. Know that wherever I am right now is ok. That every step forward (even the smallest one) matters. That it's ok not to always be ok. And that I don't need to get it right all the time. I am more than enough, just as I am.

Let's talk to ourselves with love, kindness, grace and forgiveness. Sometimes we're doing the best we can with what we have and that's enough.
Don't be too hard on yourself lovely, we're all on a journey x 💜Ruth